so. the other night, i posted in one of my sober groups about a beautiful ritual my coven had for our ostara celebration. someone was SO OFFENDED and reported my post, and told me that my beautiful experience was “unfortunate” because i didn’t follow god or christianity and she didn’t feel it was an appropriate forum for what i had said.
i replied by asking “how is that unfortunate? my goddess and my path have led me from a place of darkness and hate, so a place of light and sobriety.” after a few replies, i decided not to reply anymore, because it wasn’t worth me getting angry, and going back and forth with “well, others talk about church, and their god, and that’s ok and wonderful, but MY different path is not ok to talk about and rejoice and share, AND it’s unfortunate?
several other people chimed in, saying that her words were very judgmental and inappropriate. i was messaged by someone who posts the group, who also happens to have similar beliefs. i was asked not to post details because apparently that’s what upset the lady. after much thought, i quietly left the group yesterday. i’m not angry at the one who told me maybe to keep them to myself, she’s just doing her job and trying to keep the peace. i left because i cannot keep that promise. my path, and GODDESS is a huge, key component in my sobriety. i can’t NOT talk about it. just as other people talk about how wonderful their “god” or “higher power”, that thing that motivates them, i do as well.
i did get angry at first. who is this lady to judge my experience as unfortunate? that’s basically calling my sobriety, and even my life unfortunate. i TOTALLY could have torn this lady, and her beliefs to shreds. and in the past, i probably would have, but because of my path, i’ve found the ability to love and accept, even if i disagree. her journey is not mine. if her god and her christianity work for her, and that’s what keeps her happy and sober, then i am beyond happy for her. i want everyone to feel that way. i tried it. i did the god thing, church, getting saved, praying, my dad is a preacher for fuck sake (or maybe i should have said heavens sake, but fuck it, i like fuck better anyway). i felt like i was giving and giving god my all, and he was just taking taking taking it all. i never felt any peace, i never found any happiness, i drank more and more.
i’ll never forget that amazing feeling of freedom when i realized it was ok to let go of a belief i didn’t believe, and that i was not going to be eternally punished for it. the first time i called myself a WITCH, magic started to happen. i started noticing all the synchronicity in the world. i slowly began seeing how things worked. i began seeing who i truly was. i began to break out of this empty shell i’d been living in for so long.
five years later, (literally, the above happened in march of 2011) i sit here, amazed at what working with nature and the energies of the universe have brought me. sobriety. love. acceptance. growth. i could go on and on and on about the amazingness in my life due to my path and my beliefs. if that’s unfortunate, well, i guess i’ll just stay unfortunate.
what really got me thinking though, is just how detrimental those words could have been. thank goddess i have strength and knowledge, and the self love and self knowing that i am not unfortunate. however, i remember the first time i was ever in early sobriety. those words would have sent me into a relapse faster than i could have said “fuck you.” in early sobriety, many of us are just coming from a place where we have felt unfortunate, and to be told we are still unfortunate because of perhaps the one thing we’re holding onto is NOT OK TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN SOBRIETY!!
i am angry that there isn’t more support for “different” people who are in recovery. or, maybe i’m angry that i don’t know any exist. just because i don’t fit the typical 12 step recovery mold or believe in gods or higher powers (i use the term goddess as energy, i don’t really believe there is an imaginary goddess out there), doesn’t mean my life, my recovery, or my beliefs are unfortunate.
i just ask people, PLEASE THINK about what you say to people in recovery. be careful how you word things. people in early sobriety are often confused, and vulnerable people, and it makes them very sensitive and fragile as they are trying to put their life in some kind of order once again. trying to figure out what fits and what doesn’t anymore, what direction to go in, all those overwhelming feelings we’ve all had. no one’s journey is unfortunate. it is theirs, and theirs alone. not yours. make yours fortunate, and help, not tear down, those who need help to make theirs fortunate.
Sober Goddess 