im sitting here messaging with a dear friend who has just began her recovery journey. i like to think i give good advice and tips sometimes. i was replying, spouting off random shit without thinking about what i was saying. a lot of times that gets me into trouble. but once in a while, something so brilliant comes out, that i cannot believe it came from me. well, that just happened. here is how the snipped of the conversation went:
friend: My shadow since can’t be trusted. Well she obviously had some really big shit to show me and it took a lot for me to really learn.
me: Yep. You have to learn to work with your shadows instead of against them. That was a hard one for me to learn. Instead of being an alcoholic, I’m using my alcohol experience to try and help others. So in a way alcohol is still w big part of my life, but in a healthier and better way.
so holy shit, she said i just blew her mind. i was like “I JUST BLEW MY OWN MIND!” she said she’d never thought of looking at it that way. i never had either, until that randomly came out of me. we both agreed that i needed to write that shit down somewhere, so here it is.
the more i sit here and think about it, the more sense it’s making. im sure I’ll be processing this thought over and over. but as it just came to me, im still sitting here with my mind blown. i love alcohol, obviously too much or i wouldn’t be sitting here in recovery for almost nine month. i feared having to completely cut alcohol from my life. now i realize that i haven’t cut alcohol from my life. it is still there in a big way. i simply choose a different manner in how i perceive and interact with it. i don’t have to drink alcohol for it to be in my life, and i can choose the ways i allow it to be in my life. at the moment, the separation is working well. i am happier with her not being here physically. we are taking our time and slowly working through our issues. that’s not meant to sound like i plan on drinking again, as i certainly don’t, but we obviously had issues, and those need to be healed. we have gotten past a lot of things, and im slowly becoming more comfortable with her presence in a room. but now i hang with a different crowd on the other side of the room. i leave the party if i feel she’s mingling her way closer to me.
i am now using her as a warning. i share my story and her dangerous wrath of destruction she can leave behind. i don’t need to bash her, i don’t need to have her removed, i have to work with her gently and positively. that work, and time, are the only ways that we will fully resolve our issues and be at peace with one another, from a safe distance of course.
working with your shadows doesn’t have to be scary. we don’t need to fear them, that only gives them more fuel. instead, start standing up for yourself to them. tell them that you no longer allow them to rule your life negatively. ask your shadows what it is you need to work on in a positive way to begin, or further, your healing. embrace them, don’t run from them. they are just as much a part of you as the light. and the light cannot exist without darkness. our shadows are our teaching tools. they make up our story, the lessons that we need to learn. so stop hiding from them, stop thinking of them as scary, bad, or negative. get off your ass, face them, and work with them instead of fighting them. how long have you fought them? and how well did that work out? maybe it’s time to try something different.
Sober Goddess 