so ya know back in our drinking days, we had “those” days that made us want to start happy hour a few hours earlier, and just say “FUCK THIS DAY!” then you realize it’s only like 9:00 am. It seems like every five minutes it’s SOMETHING ELSE. you forget it’s your work day, and when you go to leave when you should be there, of course you’re not going to be able to find your keys. luckily your boss doesn’t give a shit if you’re late because there’s a good chance you’re there before her, and its literally a two minute walk away but you’re lazy). on the way there, you slip on something slippery in the woods and fall and bust your ass. You whimper and whine the rest of your walk, and right before you get to the door, you get a call from the school to come pick up your puking kid. So you get to miss work, and have all kinds of running around because you’re hosting a full moon circle later in the evening. You forget stuff because your medication has you a total zombie, you half ass throw something together because you’ve felt too shitty to plan it and what little you DID plan did NOT go as planned, and you break you beautiful talking stick you made. Not to mention all the times you tripped, or bumped your elbow, or head.
the last full moon circle i hosted, i was drunk. i had to have almost a bottle of wine before anyone got there. I don’t know why, I’ve never had a problem socializing sober. Maybe I thought it would make it more fun? i always made sure people knew it was byob, and i loved it when someone brought a bottle of wine. a couple of people would have one, maybe two glasses and say “just keep it and enjoy” as they depart, leaving behind half a bottle of wine or more. and we all know how that would end.
this time, i didn’t mention anything about byob, and i am now more open with my drinking and sobriety. no one brought wine. someone DID bring a fucking kick ass salad though. despite a crappy day where every time i turned around something went wrong, i had a lovely evening with some wonderful women.
and you know what’s great?? I GET TO GET TO DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW! I have Ostara ritual with my coven. I am going to be at the West calling in and releasing during ritual, and I have YET to write my invocation. But I’m just way too drained to do it tonight. I need sleep. It was a shitty day, where normally I’d have been thinking of my bottle of wine. but honestly, alcohol hasn’t crossed my mind until i sat down to read blogs. since it’s after midnight, i’m technically going to go ahead and say i have 85 days alcohol free. the days are getting easier to deal with, even shitty ones like this. then i remember, one month ago i’d just lost my grandmother and was having much worse days and i stayed sober, i couldn’t let some mundane things beyond my control get to me. i’m at a point in my sobriety where the first thought to an accident, or a problem, or a block, or because something isn’t going my way, my first thought isn’t “omfg i want a drink”, instead i pause and try to see how i can figure it out. that is becoming normal for me, and i like it. maybe this change is starting to change me just a little bit.
and OMG, tonight, after circle, i sat down and tallied up the donations, and wrote out a summary of the evening to have for my records. i’ve NEVER done that. ANNNNND, i made a to do list of shit i either need to do or need to have for tomorrow. i don’t know if i’ll actually remember it tomorow, but hey, just the fact that i actually made one is a success. i’m so excited to see what tomorrow’s celebration has in store.
Sober Goddess 